Jilted! , Volume I by W. Clark Russell

"It has been found hard to describe man by an adequate definition. / Some philosophers have called him a reasonable animal; but others / have considered reason as a quality of which many creatures partake. / He has been termed likewise a laughing animal; but it is said that / some men have never laughed. Perhaps man may be more properly / distinguished as an idle animal. " -- _Dr. Johnson._

My father was a major in the army who, at the time this story begins, / had lived in Longueville-sur-mer for fifteen years, to which place he / had come, after my mother's death, bringing me with him. I was then / seven years old. He put me to a good school in the neighbourhood, / at which I remained until I was sixteen; and was then let free. / Considering myself a man, I worked hard to grow a mustache, in which I / very ignominiously failed; for it was not until I was one-and-twenty / that nature condescended to favour me with that very elegant and / martial decoration. I also took to colouring meerschaum pipes, in which / art, before I was nineteen, I was considered by my companions to excel, / though I did not succeed in establishing my reputation in that line / until I had dealt such an injury to my nervous system as I fear I shall / never recover. I also became, before long, an expert hand at billiards, / though up to the last Bob Le Marchmont could always give me twenty / points and beat me comfortably. But I was his better at whist, and was / indeed a match for several grave old gentlemen who were members of our / English Club in the Rue des Chiens.