The Jovial Ghosts: The Misadventures of Topper by Thorne Smith

The first stage of Mr. Topper's secret life dated from the Saturday on which he purchased the Kerby's ill-fated car from Mark, the ecstatic garage owner. And this stage lasted only a week, coming to a grand anti-climax on the following Saturday. But during that time Mr. Topper, a novice in secret living, was hard pressed to maintain his customary calm either at home or abroad. The fire was no longer banked in his eyes, but seemed to be smouldering through, and occasionally he found himself scrutinising his friends as if they were total strangers.

His introductory driving lesson was of an anatomical nature. The automobile was discussed to its most intimate parts, from which only the finest mechanism could have refrained from shrinking. The lesson completed, Mr. Topper abjured Mark to silence and returned to his home, where he settled his feud with the leg of lamb through the process of absorption. In other words, it became one hundred per cent. Topper and for that reason acquired merit while Topper acquired flesh.