Man Abroad by Anonymous

Having defeated Jupiter and Venus in war, and got them into war with each other, there sprung up a variety of opinions at Washington as to what the United States ought to do next. There was a certain portion of the young and warlike element who made no secret of their desire to have a war with Mercury. It was the only important planet which the United States had not thrashed, and as it is not a very big planet, there was no question in their minds that the United States could thrash it. But just at this time there was no occasion whatever to pick a quarrel with Mercury.

Comparatively little was known at Washington about the people of Mercury. Commerce was restricted, and the King of that planet did not encourage the American Minister to his Court to make any researches with a view to increasing it. The Mercurians occasionally increased their wealth by sending out purely national expeditions, but they aimed rather to colonize desirable localities, than to bind themselves closer to other nations. The chief reason for this conservative policy was the fact that the people of Mercury were enormously rich, already. The humblest citizen was wealthy enough to be a member of the United States Senate. But the desire for wealth increases with the possession of it, and hence it happened that the King of Mercury, on learning that the able-bodied populace of Venus had chiefly gone off in several armies to fight Jupiter, decided to send an army of occupation to Venus.