A Gentle Creature by Fyodor Dostoevsky

WHICH of us started it?

Neither. It began of its own accord right at the outset. I said that I brought her into my house in a spirit of discipline, but right from the beginning I softened that approach. Even before the wedding, it had been explained to her that she would have the job of taking in pledges and handing out the money, and (note this) she said nothing at the time, did she? What's more, she set to work with a positive will. Well of course, the apartment, the furniture-everything stayed as it was. There are two rooms: one a sizeable drawing-room, with the counter partitioned off, and the other, also fair-sized, is our living-room and bedroom combined. My furniture is shabby-even the aunts were better off in that regard. My icon case with the little lamp is in the drawing-room where the cash office is; I have my bookcase with a few volumes in it, and my chest, to which I keep the keys; and there's a bed of course, tables, and chairs. Before we were married, I told her that to support me, herself, and Lukeriya, whom I had lured into my household, daily outgoings on food were not to exceed one rouble: I told her I had to have thirty thousand roubles in three years' time, otherwise I'd never make my fortune. She made no difficulties about this, but I increased the expense allowance by thirty kopeks unprompted. The same went for the theatre. I had told my prospective bride that there would be no theatres, but nevertheless decided to go there once a month, with a proper seat in the stalls. We went together three times and saw The Pursuit of Happiness, and Songbirds,* I think it was. (Who cares! Who cares!) We went in silence and returned in silence. Why, oh why did we get into this habit of silence right from the start? After all, there was no quarrelling to begin with, but there was still silence. I do remember, however, that she would keep glancing furtively at me; as soon as I noticed this, I intensified the silence. It was really me that insisted on silence, not her. On her part, there were one or two impulsive outbursts when she would run to embrace me, but since these were morbid and hysterical, and what I needed from her was firmly based happiness, combined with respect, I received them coldly. And I was right to do so: after each such outburst there would be a quarrel the following day.