An Appreciative Audience by Ring Lardner — Read

My son, I wish that it were half / As easy to extract a laugh / From grown-ups as from thee.

Then I'd go on the stage, my boy, / While Richard Carle and Eddie Foy / Burned up with jealousy.

I wouldn't have to rack my brain / Or lie awake all night in vain / Pursuit of brand new jokes; / Nor fear my lines were heard with groans / Of pain and sympathetic moans / From sympathetic folks.

I'd merely have to make a face, / Just twist a feature out of place, / And be the soul of wit; / Or bark, and then pretend to bite, / And, from the screams of wild delight, / Be sure I'd made a hit.