Europe Revised by Irvin S. Cobb — Read

During our scientific explorations in the Eastern Hemisphere, we met two / guides who had served the late Samuel L. Clemens, one who had served / the late J. Pierpont Morgan, and one who had acted as courier to / ex-President Theodore Roosevelt. After inquiry among persons who were / also lately abroad, I have come to the conclusion that my experience / in this regard was remarkable, not because I met so many as four of the / guides who had attended these distinguished Americans, but because I met / so few as four of them. One man with whom I discussed the matter told of / having encountered, in the course of a brief scurry across Europe, five / members in good standing of the International Association of Former / Guides to Mark Twain. All of them had union cards to prove it too. / Others said that in practically every city of any size visited by them / there was a guide who told of his deep attachment to the memory of Mr. / Morgan, and described how Mr. Morgan had hired him without inquiring / in advance what his rate for professional services a day would be; and / how -- lingering with wistful emphasis on the words along here and looking / meaningly the while at the present patron -- how very, very generous Mr. / Morgan had been in bestowing gratuities on parting.

Our first experience with guides was at Westminster Abbey. As it / happened, this guide was one of the Mark Twain survivors. I think, / though, he was genuine; he had documents of apparent authenticity in / his possession to help him in proving up his title. Anyhow, he knew his / trade. He led us up and down those parts of the Abbey which are free to / the general public and brought us finally to a wicket gate, opening on / the royal chapels, which was as far as he could go. There he turned us / over to a severe-looking dignitary in robes -- an archbishop, I judged, / or possibly only a canon -- who, on payment by us of a shilling a head, / escorted our party through the remaining inclosures, showing us the / tombs of England's queens and kings, or a good many of them anyway; and / the Black Prince's helmet and breastplate; and the exquisite chapel of / Henry the Seventh, and the ancient chair on which all the kings sat for / their coronations, with the famous Scotch Stone of Scone under it.