Little Things, but ain't they Whizzers?

The following song was written for the benefit of any theatrical or musical entertainment that desires to use it in Houston. Any company rendering it outside the city is liable to a fine of $1,000,000, as it has been composed solely for the pleasure of Houston audiences, which it is sure to please. The person singing the song, if a gent, will dress in loud check trousers, tan shoes, and high white hat, advancing to the footlights, smiling, and carrying a large cane. If sung by a lady, the costume is the same, with smaller checks, and parasol instead of cane. The following lines are to be spoken: "Ladies and Gentlemen: You must excuse my hoarseness tonight, as I was up late last night rocking the baby to sleep. (_Laughter._) I love babies. (_Great laughter._) When they get molasses on their fingers and use your shirt front for a piano, it makes a man think marriage is a success, now doesn't it? (_Howls of laughter from the family circle._) Last night I came home late from the lodge (_applause_); and after I took off my shoes and slipped into the room and commenced rocking the cradle, my wife woke up and said, 'What are you doing, Charlie? ' 'I'm getting the baby quiet,' said I. 'Come to bed, you fool,' says she, 'the baby has been in bed here with me for two hours. ' (_Prolonged yells of laughter._) Babies are little things, but are very important institutions. That reminds me of a song. " (_Looks at orchestra, which strikes up at once._)

(_Sings_): / As we wander down life's pathway / Plucking roses as we go, / Often do we prick our finger / With the little thorns that grow, / Little drops make up the ocean, / Little chips fill up the pot; / Little drinks make great big jaglets, / Little wives can make home hot.