Poor People by Fyodor Dostoevsky — Read

14th August

Makar Alexeyevich! What is the matter with you? You must have lost the fear of God! You're simply driving me mad. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You're ruining yourself, just think of your reputation! You're an honourable, noble, proud man – but when everyone finds out about you! You'll simply have to die of shame! Or do you feel no pity for your grey hairs? Well, do you fear God? Fedora said she'd no longer help you now, and I won't be giving you any money either. What have you brought me to, Makar Alexeyevich! You probably think it's nothing to me that you behave so badly; you don't know yet what I endure because of you! I can't even go up and down our staircase: everybody looks at me, they point their fingers at me and say such terrible things; yes, they say bluntly that I'm mixed up with a drunkard. How do I feel hearing that! When they bring you back, all the tenants point you out with contempt: there, they say, they've brought back that civil servant. And I just can't say how ashamed I feel for you. I swear to you that I shall move away from here. I'll go and work as a maid somewhere, as a laundrywoman, but I won't stay here. I wrote and asked you to call on me, but you didn't. Evidently my tears and requests are nothing to you, Makar Alexeyevich! And where did you get the money from? For God's sake, look after yourself. You'll be ruined, you know, you'll be ruined for nothing! And what shame and dishonour! Your landlady didn't even want to let you in yesterday, you spent the night just inside the porch: I know everything. If you only knew how hard it was for me when I found it all out. Come and visit me, you'll have a nice time here: we'll read together, we'll reminisce about the old days. Fedora will tell us about her wanderings as a pilgrim. For my sake, my dear, don't ruin yourself and don't ruin me. It's just for you alone, you know, that I live, for your sake that I stay with you. And now you're like this! Be a noble man, firm in misfortune; remember that poverty is no sin. Yes and why despair? This is all temporary! God willing, everything will come right, only you stand firm now. I'm sending you twenty copecks, buy yourself some tobacco or whatever you like, only for God's sake don't spend it on anything bad. Come and visit us, be sure to come. Perhaps you'll be ashamed like before, but don't you be ashamed, it's false shame. If only you'd bring true repentance. Trust in God. He will arrange everything for the best.