The New Chauffeur by E.V. Lucas
The New Chauffeur, subtitled "An Impossible Dialogue" by E.V. Lucas, presents a wage negotiation between an unnamed Employer and a prospective Chauffeur, staged entirely as dialogue. The Employer opens by asking about wages, and the Chauffeur names forty pounds a year and all found in exchange for keeping the car in good order and driving the Employer out in it. The Employer then begins probing the Chauffeur's temperament through a series of leading questions, each of which the Chauffeur answers with confident, simple assurances, not realizing he is being led into raising the value of his own promises while lowering his bargaining power. First the Employer asks about the Chauffeur's temper when ordered out suddenly on a wet night to fetch someone from the station. The Chauffeur says his temper is very good, always. The Employer presses further, asking whether the Chauffeur's temper is so perfect that offering an extra five pounds a year to guarantee good humor on such unexpected wet-weather runs would make no difference to him. The Chauffeur concedes it might make a difference after all, and agrees he would stand by the bargain without ever going back on it. The wage is thus fixed at forty-five pounds. The Employer moves to a second point, about chauffeurs who timidly drive only twelve miles an hour on safe, open roads, and asks whether the Chauffeur is like that. The Chauffeur denies it and confirms he hates going slow. The Employer seizes on this, explaining that he himself often wants to go slow, particularly when the road is dusty and they are near cottage gardens, so a chauffeur who objects to slow driving is useless to him. The Chauffeur backpedals, saying that of course if the Employer wished it, he would comply. The Employer objects that the Chauffeur had just said he hated going slow, and declares that an unwilling servant is the last thing he wants. The Chauffeur insists he could overcome his dislike and become willing to meet the Employer's wishes. The Employer questions whether such willingness could be genuinely spontaneous, and asks whether, if they fixed the matter now, the Chauffeur would remain always willing. The Chauffeur affirms he would always be willing, and for this concession the Employer adds another five pounds, bringing the total to fifty pounds. The Chauffeur thanks him, and the Employer brushes off the thanks, calling it purely a commercial transaction in which he is simply buying what the Chauffeur is prepared to sell. The Employer raises a third and final point, asking what expression the Chauffeur wears when ordered to drive out the Employer's poorer friends, people who cannot afford to tip much or at all. The Chauffeur claims to be perfectly content doing so. Pressed on whether this contentment is truly perfect, the Chauffeur admits that, naturally, one prefers driving one's own employer. The Employer then asks whether the Chauffeur would be equally pleased if all passengers were of equal importance and interest to him, observing that there is no pleasure in a drive if the driver is sullen, and asking if the Chauffeur has ever considered this. The Chauffeur admits he never has, but upon reflection says he now sees the point. In exchange for guaranteeing a smile under these circumstances too, the Employer adds a further five pounds, bringing the wage to fifty-five pounds. The Employer settles on this final figure and tells the Chauffeur he will begin work on Monday.
By E.V. Lucas · Genre: Satire, Humor, Social Commentary · 695 words
First lines
(_An Impossible Dialogue_)
_Employer._ And now as to wages. What do you want?
What this Textopian page supports
The New Chauffeur is listed on Textopian as a short story by E.V. Lucas, dated Date unknown.
This source record anchors work identity, reading entry points, and catalog context for checking claims about the work.
- Work type: Short story
- Author: E.V. Lucas
- Date: Date unknown
- Language: English
- Genres: Satire, Humor, Social Commentary, Dialogue Fiction, Short Story
- Length: 695 words
- Structure: 1 section, 40 paragraphs
- Reading fit: Very Easy (5th Grade or below)
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- Work identity for The New Chauffeur by E.V. Lucas
- Canonical title URL and first readable passage URL
- Genre and topic classification from the Textopian catalog
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Genres
- Satire — The work fundamentally satirizes employer-employee labor negotiations, absurdly commodifying human temperament and demeanor through incremental wage increases, exposing the illogic of reducing human qualities to monetary bargaining.
- Humor — The piece employs comedic absurdism and witty dialogue, with humor derived from the employer's contradictory logic (rejecting a chauffeur for hating slow driving, then paying extra to change that preference) and the chauffeur's unfailing accommodation.
- Social Commentary — The work critiques class relations, labor exploitation, and servant-master dynamics, particularly through the employer's contempt for 'poorer friends' who cannot afford substantial tips and the implicit devaluation of human dignity in economic transactions.
- Dialogue Fiction — The entire composition consists of dramatic dialogue between two characters with no narrative exposition, relying entirely on the exchange itself to convey meaning and character, following the dramatic monologue tradition.
Tags
dialogue · satire · British literature · early 20th century · chauffeur · wages · employment · labor relations · working class · social commentary · manipulation · exploitation