Divots

Divots by P.G. Wodehouse (1927)

Divots (P.G. Wodehouse) is a linked cycle of golf stories narrated by the Oldest Member at the club, each tale illustrating how golf reveals — and reforms — character. **Ferdinand Dibble.** A hopeless "goof," Ferdinand cannot summon the nerve to propose to Barbara Medway because his golfing incompetence has crushed his self-confidence. Sent to Marvis Bay, he suddenly plays brilliantly against the resort's weak competition and grows insufferably arrogant, alienating fellow guests, who import a ringer, George Parsloe, to humble him. Ferdinand's cockiness collapses into misery when he learns Parsloe is a scratch player — and his golf, paradoxically, becomes superb once he's too heartbroken to overthink his swing. He wins the match; Barbara, having wrongly assumed he loved someone else, reveals Parsloe is already engaged to her best friend. They unite, with Ferdinand having discovered golf's cruel secret: only misery produces good shots. **Bradbury Fisher.** A tainted Wall Street millionaire and golf-relic collector loses a high-stakes wager and must forfeit his prized English butler, Blizzard, to his lifelong rival Gladstone Bott. Panicking about his wife's reaction, he's saved when she returns from England having herself "traded up" to an even grander butler, Vosper, stolen from a duke. Vosper subsequently reorganizes Fisher's domestic life — banishing an old friend, halting his wife's golf lessons, and evicting his odious mother-in-law — while Fisher continues sneaking off to golf tournaments under cover of fake business trips. **Chester Meredith.** A young golfer, tongue-tied with love for Felicia Blakeney, tries to impress her by claiming false friendship with her despised brother and by suppressing his natural instinct to swear during play — behavior Felicia reads as cold and phony. Chasing a course record, he's struck by an errant ball from the maddening "Wrecking Crew" foursome and erupts in a magnificent, uninhibited profane tirade. Far from offending Felicia, this convinces her of his authenticity and passion; she accepts his proposal, relieved to also learn he actually despises her brother. **Wallace Chesney.** A mild, popular golf duffer buys a garish pair of Plus Fours from a second-hand shop and becomes convinced they're the secret to good play. He improves dramatically but turns arrogant and unbearable, alienating the club and his fiancée Charlotte Dix, who breaks their engagement. During the climactic medal round his trousers catch fire from a match struck to light his pipe; forced to dunk himself in the lake and change into his old flannels, he instantly reverts to nervous, humble, terrible golf — and to his former likable self, winning back Charlotte's affection. **Rollo Podmarsh.** An overprotected mother's boy and mediocre golfer falls for houseguest Mary Kent, who wants a hero, not a hypochondriac. Playing with her one day, he golfs the round of his life — until he overhears that his young niece, inspired by a family conversation about mercy-killing a sick dog, may have poisoned his nightly arrowroot. Believing himself dying, he chooses to finish the round (breaking 100) rather than seek help, an act of reckless golfing courage that wins Mary's heart. The "poison" turns out to be his mother's secret anti-smoking additive; Rollo, freed of both his ailments and his fear, arranges a match with Colonel Bodger and claims Mary as his prize.

By P.G. Wodehouse · First published 1927 · Genre: Humor, Romance, Sports Fiction · 9 chapters · 81,328 words

First lines

It was a morning when all nature shouted "Fore! " The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, seemed to bring a message of hope and cheer, whispering of chip-shots holed and brassies landing squarely on the meat. The fairway, as yet unscarred by the irons of a hundred dubs, smiled greenly up at the azure sky; and the sun, peeping above the trees, looked like a giant golf-ball perfectly lofted by the mashie of some unseen god and about to drop dead by the pin of the eighteenth. It was the day of the opening of the course after the long winter, and a crowd of considerable dimensions had collected at the first tee. Plus fours gleamed in the sunshine, and the air was charged with happy anticipation.

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Genres

Tags

humor · comic fiction · golf · British society · farce · romance · satire · social comedy · country club · leisure class · misunderstandings · eccentric characters

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