In a future marked by political tension and the threat of war, a businessman named Charles Crossley, president of a jet-propelled shipping company, becomes increasingly agitated by news of potential conflict in Europe. His wife dismisses the fears of atomic warfare, but Crossley, convinced of a secret arms race, devises a unique strategy to confront the Tri-Union, a coalition of European states. Instead of conventional warfare, he opts for psychological tactics, launching a barrage of pink confetti over Vienna, which causes chaos but no physical harm. As the confetti falls, it creates a nuisance for the Tri-Union, leading to a series of humorous and absurd retaliatory measures. The Tri-Union's response includes sending music-playing devices that hover over American cities, playing the same blues song repeatedly, driving the populace to distraction. Crossley and the President of the United States find themselves in a bizarre war of irritations, where neither side can engage in traditional combat due to international laws prohibiting violence. The conflict escalates as both sides resort to increasingly ridiculous tactics. Crossley devises plans involving toothpaste tubes that malfunction and chemicals that dull razors, while the Tri-Union counters with swarms of mosquitoes and other annoyances. The World Organization, tasked with maintaining peace, finds itself powerless as both nations adhere to the letter of the law while engaging in a war of attrition through irritation. Eventually, Crossley is captured by the Tri-Union's representative, Krauss, who reveals a sinister plan to ensure Crossley's demise through a slow-acting poison. However, Crossley cleverly turns the tables by threatening to commit suicide, which would force an investigation and expose the Tri-Union's underhanded tactics. This leads to a negotiation where Crossley demands peace in exchange for not jumping from a building, leveraging the absurdity of the situation to his advantage. The climax occurs when Crossley and Krauss reach an agreement to end hostilities, primarily motivated by their mutual fear of losing their hair due to a bizarre outbreak of dandruff among their populations. The resolution highlights the absurdity of their conflict, as both leaders realize that their attempts to irritate each other have backfired, leading to a truce. In the end, Crossley returns home, triumphant, as the music from the hovering devices ceases, illustrating the victory of psychological warfare over traditional combat. The story concludes with a humorous reflection on the nature of conflict and the lengths to which individuals will go to avoid direct confrontation, emphasizing the absurdity of human behavior in the face of societal pressures.
By Ray Bradbury · First published 1955 · Genre: Science Fiction, Satire, Political Fiction