Read "John (Ruthless Rhymes)" by Harry Graham online for free on Textopian. Full text with search, annotations, highlights, and AI-powered reading aids.
John, across the broad Atlantic, / Tried to navigate a barque, / But he met an unromantic / And extremely hungry shark.
John (I blame his childhood's teachers) / Thought to treat this as a lark, / Ignorant of how these creatures / Do delight to bite a barque.
Said, 'This animal's a bore! ' and, / With a scornful sort of grin, / Handled an adjacent oar and / Chucked it underneath the chin.
At this unexpected juncture, / Which he had not reckoned on, / Mr. Shark he made a puncture / In the barque -- and then in John.
Sad am I, and sore at thinking / John had on some clothes of mine; / I can almost see them shrinking, / Washed repeatedly in brine.
I shall never cease regretting / That I lent my hat to him, / For I fear a thorough wetting / Cannot well improve the brim.
Oh! to know a shark is browsing, / Boldly, blandly, on my boots! / Coldly, cruelly carousing / On the choicest of my suits!
Creatures I regard with loathing, / Who can calmly take their fill / Of one's Jaeger underclothing: -- / Down, my aching heart, be still!