Five o' Clock Tea by William Dean Howells

Mrs. Crashaw, appearing: "If you mean me, Dr. Lawton -- "

Lawton: "I do, my dear friend. What company is complete without you?"

Mrs. Somers, reaching forward to take her hand, while with her disengaged hand she begins to pour her a cup of tea: "None in _my_ house."

Mrs. Crashaw: "Very pretty. " Taking her tea. "I hope it isn't complete, either, without the English painter you promised us."

Mrs. Somers: "No, indeed! And a great many other people besides. But haven't you met him yet? I supposed Mrs. Roberts -- "

Mrs. Crashaw: "Oh, I don't go to _all_ of Agnes's fandangoes. I was to have seen him at Mrs. Wheeler's -- he is being asked everywhere, of course -- but he didn't come. He sent his father and mother instead. They were very nice old people, but they hadn't painted his pictures."

Lawton: "They might say his pictures would never have been painted without them."

Bemis: "It was like Heine's going to visit Rachel by appointment. She wasn't in, but her father and mother were; and when he met her afterwards he told her that he had just come from a show where he had seen a curious monster advertised for exhibition -- the offspring of a hare and a salmon. The monster was not to be seen at the moment, but the showman said here was monsieur the hare and madame the salmon."

Mrs. Roberts: "What in the world did Rachel say?"

Lawton: "Ah, that's what these brilliant anecdotes never tell. And I think it would be very interesting to know what the victim of a witticism has to say."

Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would know very often, Doctor."

Lawton: "Ah, now I should like to know what the victim of a compliment says!"

Mrs. Curwen: "He bows his thanks. " Dr. Lawton makes a profound obeisance, to which Mrs. Curwen responds in burlesque.

Miller: "We all envy you, Doctor."

Mrs. Miller: "Oh yes. Mrs. Curwen never makes a compliment without meaning it."

Mrs. Curwen: "I can't say that quite, my dear. I should be very sorry to mean all the civil things I say. But I never flatter gentlemen of a certain age."

Mrs. Miller, tittering ineffectively: "I shall know what to say to Mr. Miller after this."

Mrs. Crashaw: "Well, if you haven't got the man, Mrs. Somers, you _have_ got his picture, haven't you?"

Mrs. Somers: "Yes; it's on my writing-desk in the library. Let me -- "

Lawton: "No, no; don't disturb yourself! We wish to tear it to pieces without your embarrassing presence. Will you take my arm, Mrs. Crashaw?"