Merely the Patient by Henry Howard Harper

THERE is said to be no subject on earth more entertaining (to the narrator) than a major operation; and two operations, especially if they fall close together, ought to be -- for purposes of self-entertainment -- twice as good as one. Thus reckoning, it will presently be seen that I have a decided advantage over those who have to content themselves with only one, or none at all.

And it occurs to me that to write a book is the most considerate as well as the most expeditious means of acquainting your friends with the details of an operation or other painful experience; for in this way you can expatiate at large on the most harrowing aspects of the case, and everybody is at liberty to read as much or as little as he can stand, and skip the rest; whereas if you get the listener's ear he is almost obliged to suffer attentively through to the end of your story. Furthermore, in a book you can advertise your troubles far more widely and effectively, and with less effort. Another advantage in writing a book on some pet theme is that, like a filibusterer in the senate chamber, you have the floor all to yourself: the difference being that while his verbosity is wholly without interest or sense, either to himself or his sleeping audience, your story is at least self-absorbing.