One Third Off by Irvin S. Cobb — Read

So, having mapped out my campaign of attack against my fat, I rose one / morning from my berth in the sleeping car and I dressed; and firmly / clutching my new-formed resolution to prevent its escape, I made my way to / the dining car and sat down and gave my order to the affable honor / graduate of Tuskegee Institute who graciously deigned to wait on me.

Now, theretofore, for so far back as I remembered, breakfast had been my / heartiest meal of the entire day, with perhaps two exceptions -- luncheon / and dinner. Precedent inclined me toward ordering about as many pieces of / sliced banana as would be required to button a fairly tall woman's / princess frock all the way down her back, with plenty of sugar and cream, / and likewise a large porringer of some standard glutinous cereal, to be / followed by sausages with buckwheat cakes and a few odd kickshaws and / comfits in the way of strawberry preserves and hot buttered toast and / coffee that was half cream, and first one thing and then another. But / Spartanlike I put temptation sternly behind me and told the officiating / collegian to bring me plain boiled prunes, coffee with hot milk and / saccharin tablets, dry toast and one dropped egg.