One Third Off by Irvin S. Cobb — Read

My advice to the man or the woman who is in the same fix I was in is to go / and do likewise, with variations to suit the individual temperament. It / means self-denial but self-denial persevered in is a virtue, and virtue he / will find -- or she will -- not alone is its own reward but a number of / additional rewards as well. Let my late fellow sufferer likewise patronize / the gymnasium and the steam room and the cold plunge if he so chooses. If / he desires to have automatic pores, all right. As for me, I recall what / the Good Book says about the pores which ye have always with ye, and I / decline to worry about the present uncultured state of mine. Let him try / the electric rollers and the electric baths, if such be his bent; no doubt / they have their value. And by all means let him consult a qualified / physician if he fears either that he is overdoing or underdoing his / banting. Personally, though, I am satisfied with the plan I tried out, of / being my own private test tube.

I claim that I have better information touching on what sustenance I need / than any outsider ever can hope to have unless he breaks into me / surgically. I claim that a series of rational experiments should tell any / rational human how much he needs to eat and what he needs to eat in order / to reduce his bulk and yet keep his powers and his bodily vigor / unimpaired. I am not speaking now, understand me, of those unfortunates / with whom obesity is a disease, but of those who owe their grossness of / outline to gluttony. Lacking vital statistics on the subject, I / nevertheless dare assert that these latter constitute fully 90 per cent of / those among the American people who are distinctly and uncomfortably and / frequently unhealthily fat.