Plagues at the Play (Rhymes for the Times)

['Last night even the postprandial conversation of some / well-dressed members of the audience failed to neutralise the / effect of the music, though they did their best. ' -- The _Times_.]

'Well-dressed,' and well-fed, and well-meaning (God knows! ), / They arrive when the play is half ended; / As they pass to their stalls, through the tightly-packed rows, / They beruffle your hair and they tread on your toes, / Quite unconscious of having offended! / Then they argue a bit as to how they shall sit, / And uncloak in a leisurely fashion, / While they act as a blind to the people behind / Who grow perfectly purple with passion; / Till at last, by the time they are seated and settled, / Their neighbours all round them are thoroughly nettled!