The Princess and the Physicist

Name: The Princess and the Physicist
Author: Evelyn E. Smith

Zen the Terrible is the corporeal, telepathically omnipresent god of the planet Uxen, worshipped by the Uxenach since ancient Earth colonists first thrust godhood upon him and left him with the drudgery of divine housework — teleporting refuse, granting requests, and performing miracles — in exchange for incense. Twenty years after Earth rediscovers the long-lost colony, Earth administers Uxen for trade and tribute, banning Earth science, taxing the planet, and refusing to acknowledge Zen's existence, to his irritation. When a spaceship arrives unexpectedly outside the normal trade schedule, Zen investigates and finds two Earth scientists disembarking: Professor Alpheus Kendrick, an anthropologist, and his assistant Dr. Peter Hammond, a physicist, who request an isolated spot to conduct research into Uxen's "nuclear ritual beliefs." King Uxlu the Fifteenth and his prime minister, Guj, receive them, and Uxlu — bitter about Uxen's lost sovereignty and eager to seize any secret weapon the scientists might be building — hopes to use their science to drive out the Earthlings. Crown Princess Iximi, a patriot devoted to the underground Moolai (free) Uxen movement and Zen's former star theology student, resolves to spy on the scientists herself. When their household robot is disabled (Guj sabotages it magically), the Earthmen must hire a native servant, and Iximi arranges to be leased to them from a servant auction, choosing to be the only maid who claims not to speak Earth language so they are forced to select her. Installed in their prefab laboratory-dwelling, Iximi attempts to cook using guesswork and secretly summoned help from Zen, producing disastrous meals (ketchup-rhubarb-fish-marshmallow casserole, stewed cigarettes with whipped cream) that nonetheless go over reasonably. When Kendrick and Hammond smoke the "stewed cigarettes" as tobacco, the aroma summons Zen, who manifests before them, delighted by the new incense, and decrees that tobacco be reserved for his worship — one, or on holy days two, cigarettes daily. Kendrick, skeptical that Zen is a real entity rather than priestly trickery, storms off to find a temple to interrogate priests (there are none, as Zen is a god of Hearth and Home). Left alone, Peter reveals he has already recognized Iximi from her palace portrait and had no real interest in Kendrick's research succeeding; he and Iximi confess mutual attraction. Iximi urges Peter to become Uxen's Royal Physicist and marry her, giving Uxen atomic drive and weapons technology in the name of Moolai Uxen and freeing the planet from Earth rule; Peter, torn about "betraying" Earth but persuaded that this only restores Uxen's own freedom, agrees. They summon Zen to bless their betrothal, and Zen appoints Peter "Holy and Sacrosanct Chief Physicist," with instructions to build robots, vehicles, and dishwashing machines for the Uxenach rather than weapons — deciding privately that mechanization, not conquest, will finally free him from millennia of menial divine chores. Over Iximi's protest, Zen declares that this technological path is the truer route to freedom, that he will withdraw from daily affairs, manifest only on Thursdays, and be worshipped in temples with regular incense and tobacco offerings. He retreats to enjoy six days off a week, reflecting that godhood is tolerable once managed on one's own terms.

By Evelyn E. Smith · First published 1969 · Genre: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Satire · 9,846 words

First lines

Elected a god, Zen the Omnipotent longed for supernatural powers -- for he was also Zen the All-Put-Upon, a galactic sucker!

Zen the Terrible lay quiescent in the secret retreat which housed his corporeal being, all the aspects of his personality wallowing in the luxury of a day off. How glad he was that he'd had the forethought to stipulate a weekly holiday for himself when first this godhood had been thrust upon him, hundreds of centuries before. He'd accepted the perquisites of divinity with pleasure then. It was some little time before he discovered its drawbacks, and by then it was too late; he had become the established church.

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The Princess and the Physicist is listed on Textopian as a novel by Evelyn E. Smith, dated 1969 CE.

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Work type: Novel
Author: Evelyn E. Smith
Date: 1969 CE
Language: English
Genres: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Satire, Adventure, Humor
Length: 9,846 words
Structure: 1 section, 272 paragraphs
Reading fit: Fairly Easy (7th Grade)

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Genres

Science Fiction — The book features advanced technology, space travel, and extraterrestrial beings, central to the science fiction genre.
Fantasy — Elements of divine beings, magical concepts, and a fictional planet contribute to its fantasy aspects.
Satire — The narrative critiques societal norms, religion, and human behavior through humor and irony.
Adventure — The plot involves exploration and the interactions between Earth scientists and alien cultures.