My Dream

My Dream by Leo Tolstoy

Prince Michael Ivanovich, visiting his brother Peter, governor of a provincial town, declares that his daughter Lisa no longer exists for him after learning she has settled in that town with an illegitimate child; he intends only to provide her money through Peter and never see or hear of her again. His sister-in-law Alexandra Dmitrievna (Aline) comes to his room that night, pleading with him to visit Lisa in person rather than merely send money through the landlady, but he refuses, tormented by wounded pride. Alone, Michael Ivanovich paces his room recalling his life with Lisa: her childhood affection for him; his jealous unease as she grew into a coquettish young woman; her refusal of good suitors; her prolonged unmarried years in St. Petersburg society; a flirtation she had with a young cadet, Koko, which she resented her father for ending; and finally the letter from Moscow in which she confessed she was ruined and could not return home, the seducer being an insignificant, already-married Swedish student she had met while visiting an aunt in Finland. He alternates between self-pity and fury at her. The narrative then shifts to Lisa's own inner history of the past year. She had grown to despise the emptiness of fashionable St. Petersburg life—its balls, suitors, and superficial charity work—and had found nothing genuine in it except her old memory of loving Koko. Visiting her aunt in Finland, she fell into a mutual fascination with a Swedish guest; their glances and conversations carried what felt like profound meaning, and the relationship became physical. Afterward he revealed he was already married (though estranged from his wife) and begged forgiveness; she declared she would stay bound to him regardless and urged him to take her away, but he kept delaying, then stopped writing altogether. Back in St. Petersburg, ill and despairing, Lisa resolved to poison herself, but was stopped at the last moment when her small nephew ran in to show her a toy, prompting her to think of motherhood and to throw away the poison. She began an inward spiritual life, suffering more for her father's anticipated grief than for herself. Later she realized she was pregnant, and felt joy despite everything. She left home secretly, settled under the name Vera Ivanovna Silvestrova in a distant provincial town with a midwife, Maria Ivanovna, to bear and raise her child unknown to her family—only to have her uncle Peter unexpectedly posted governor of that very town. The next morning Michael Ivanovich gives his brother a cheque for Lisa's monthly support and prepares to leave, but at Aline's urging he walks toward "Everything"—near which Lisa lives—and impulsively goes to the address. At the midwife's lodging he hears the baby crying and almost leaves, but Lisa arrives and they meet face to face. Seeing her thin, worn, and imploring, his anger dissolves into grief and self-recognition of his own pride and coldness; he begs her forgiveness. She takes him to her room and describes her life, wishing she could live in the country, and he agrees to arrange it. When the child cries, she hesitates to feed him in front of her father, but seeing no anger in his face, goes to the baby with his blessing. Michael Ivanovich returns to his brother's house in tears, and when Aline calls his changed feeling foolishness, he insists it is instead the beginning of wisdom.

By Leo Tolstoy · Genre: Literary Fiction, Psychological Drama, Social Commentary · 3 chapters · 5,356 words

First lines

"As a daughter she no longer exists for me. Can't you understand? She simply doesn't exist. Still, I cannot possibly leave her to the charity of strangers. I will arrange things so that she can live as she pleases, but I do not wish to hear of her. Who would ever have thought. the horror of it, the horror of it."

He shrugged his shoulders, shook his head, and raised his eyes. These words were spoken by Prince Michael Ivanovich to his brother Peter, who was governor of a province in Central Russia. Prince Peter was a man of fifty, Michael's junior by ten years.

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Autobiographical · Memoir · Philosophical · Psychological · Stream-of-consciousness · Literary · Fictionalized · Biographical · Self-discovery · Existential · Spiritual · Inner-life

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