The Following Pair by Ambrose Bierce — Read

O very remarkable mortal, / What food is engaging your jaws / And staining with amber their portal? / "It's 'baccy I chaws."

And why do you sway in your walking, / To right and left many degrees, / And hitch up your trousers when talking? / "I follers the seas."

Great indolent shark in the rollers, / Is "baccy," too, one of your faults? -- / You, too, display maculate molars. / "I dines upon salts."

Strange diet! -- intestinal pain it / Is commonly given to nip.

And how can you ever obtain it? / "I follers the ship."