Paradise Be Damned! by Christopher Ward
Anthony Blaine is the grandson of a frigid Tarrytown millionaire known as Old Chill Blaine, and the posthumous son of an ineffectual esthete father, inheriting only a surname, tapered fingers, and a million dollars. His mother, Beatrice Blaine, born an O'Hara of Boston and "finished" across a string of European cities, marries Stephen Blaine in a weary, tipsy moment and is widowed within a year. Anthony's childhood runs through a catalogue of precocious vices: biting bell-boys at seven, smoking at eight, playing poker at nine, reading Rabelais at ten, drinking at eleven, kissing chorus girls at twelve, until his mother dies of delirium tremens when he is thirteen. He is sent to St. Ritz's, a school celebrated for drinking rather than scholarship, where he mixes exotic cocktails for his classmates, reads an eclectic and absurd list of authors, dismisses his timid headmaster Margotson, and excels at every sport and school activity while neglecting his lessons, editing the school's Bartenders' Guide along the way. At eighteen he enters Princeton, which he loves extravagantly for its trees, towers, and atmosphere. A theatrical interlude follows in which Anthony meets a girl named Rosalind, who kisses him repeatedly while admitting she is simultaneously engaged to several other men, including Dawson Ryder, Skeets McCormick, Amory Patch, a boy named Wilson, and an unnamed Yale man. Anthony proposes marriage, she protests her love, he accuses her of ruining both their lives, then abruptly departs for a date with her sister, Cecelia Connage. Rosalind weeps briefly, recovers within minutes, and calls for her next caller. Back in New York, Anthony lives amid ostentatious wealth in an apartment on Fifty-second Street, bathing compulsively and dressing elaborately before meeting his friend Richard Caramel, called Dick, at the grill-room of the Jazza. Dick introduces his cousin, Gloria Goodle, "the Speed Girl from Kansas City," a dazzling but vapid girl obsessed with gum drops. Anthony kisses her passionately, and when he proposes marriage, Gloria asks whether he is rich; he claims to be penniless, and she declares she must have her gum drops, which Anthony treats as heartbreak. That evening, Anthony sits on the floor of his apartment absorbed in his childhood stamp album, troubled that he has no place in it for a five-pistache stamp of Jugo-Rumania, when Gloria and Dick arrive with news that his grandfather has died, leaving him a hundred million dollars. Anthony remains indifferent, fixated only on his stamp. Gloria, unbothered by his eccentric detachment, announces that she will marry him regardless and take him to Arabia, reasoning that his trouble is not the climate but the drink.
By Christopher Ward · Genre: Literary Satire, Bildungsroman, Modernist Fiction · 3,016 words
First lines
_This story was written between 10_ P. M. _and 3_ A. M. _of one night while I was playing bridge._ THE SWIFT SET _paid me enough for it to recoup what I lost at bridge and leave me the price of a diamond tiara and two theatre tickets. The movie rights brought me $60,000. It is probably the worst story I ever wrote -- though, for that distinction, it has many rivals._
GRANDPA AND PAPA
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Genres
- Literary Satire — The narrative relentlessly mocks upper-class wealth, social pretension, and decadence through exaggeration, absurd dialogue, and mock-heroic language, particularly in the treatment of Anthony's excessive behavior and Gloria's materialistic obsessions.
- Bildungsroman — The text traces Anthony Blaine's development from childhood through young adulthood, chronicling his education, moral formation, and encounters that shape his identity and worldview.
- Modernist Fiction — The work employs experimental narrative techniques, fragmented structure, lyrical prose interspersed with dramatic dialogue, linguistic innovation, and self-aware metafictional elements that reflect early 20th-century modernist aesthetics.
- Jazz Age Fiction — Set during the 1920s, the narrative captures the era's spirit through references to flappers, speakeasies, cocktail culture, moral looseness, and the distinctive vernacular and social dynamics of the Jazz Age.
Tags
coming of age · satire · Jazz Age · New York City · Princeton University · wealth and class · parody · romantic comedy · meta-fiction · absurdist · cynicism · alcoholism
What this Textopian page supports
Paradise Be Damned! is listed on Textopian as a short story by Christopher Ward, dated Date unknown.
This source record anchors work identity, reading entry points, and catalog context for checking claims about the work.
- Work type: Short story
- Author: Christopher Ward
- Date: Date unknown
- Language: English
- Genres: Literary Satire, Bildungsroman, Modernist Fiction, Jazz Age Fiction, Romance
- Length: 3,016 words
- Structure: 1 section, 157 paragraphs
- Reading fit: Fairly Easy (7th Grade)
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- Work identity for Paradise Be Damned! by Christopher Ward
- Canonical title URL and first readable passage URL
- Genre and topic classification from the Textopian catalog
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